After 5 years of marriage, I have to admit this Valentine's Day is not exactly what I was hoping for. First of all, I've been sick all week with one of the worst colds I've ever had. I am just now starting to feel better than death and my voice has started to come back a little, although I still sounds like a teenage boy whose voice is changing. And coughing up the crap that has kept me from breathing all week. Not exactly setting the stage for romance. I didn't get to the store to buy anything for my husband, and he's had more than enough on his plate trying to work and take care of me and the kids when he's not working. Not to mention, even if we had, I couldn't eat chocolate, smell flowers, or enjoy any of the other, ahem, married people things that go along with Valentine's Day. I don't even want to kiss him because he is still well and I don't want to give my cold to him! (who would take care of the kids then?) Real romantic, huh?
Even if I were well and everything were going according to plan, there is still that pesky matter of the 3 kids we have, ages 3, 2, and 5 months. Nothing like toddlers beating each other up, getting eggs out of the refridgerator and smashing them on the floor, baby wailing, and constantly exclaiming "I'm a bouncy tigger!" to kill the mood. It is really tough to hold on to those romantic feelings when your kids are constantly interrupting. I think it's called "the tyranny of the urgent." Yes, it's important for us to spend time together. But when the kids are screaming, you usually have to go check if there's blood this time, or if they're just fighting over a sandwich again.
I remember the first Valentine's Day Robert and I celebrated together, just a few months after we'd started going out. It was actually the first Valentine's Day I'd ever celebrated - at least in a romantic sense. I had a bad experience in high school, when a bunch of my basketball teammates invited me out to dinner and it turned out I was the only person there NOT with a date...I pretty much hated Valentine's Day after that. But this year things turned out very different. Robert and I were both in the chorus of an opera, and of course we had rehearsal that morning. We would usually meet at the library and carpool (more because we wanted to see each other than because we needed to save gas, I'll admit). A few weeks before my doctor had put me on a no-wheat, no-dairy, no-corn diet. Ouch. Robert greeted me that morning with cookies he had made out of almond flour (they were actually really good) and homemade chocolate-dipped strawberries. He'd stayed up half the night making them! It was the most romantic thing anybody had ever done for me and totally changed my perspective about Feb. 14.
Fast forwad 6 years and here we are today. I think I've been either pregnant or just had a baby every Valentine's Day since we got married. There have been some nice ones, but it seems to get a little tougher to celebrate every year. With each kid we have, it gets harder and harder to find some romance left in our lives. Most often our idea of a date involves falling asleep on the couch in front of the TV after the kids are in bed. Or driving through Starbucks and drinking it in the car and talking for 10 minutes while the kids take a nap in their carseats. Sometimes we play cribbage (the only 2-person game we know) while the boys watch a movie. Don't get me wrong - it's great to spend time together. It's just not exactly the fairy tale version of romance you imagine when you get marriage.
(And now Joseph gets ahold of my laptop and publishes my post before I'm done...)
Where's was I? I was feeling sorry for myself, so I did some research (yes, I know, I'm a geek - I love doing research!) into the origins of Valentine's Day. St. Valentine was a Christian bishop who was martyred for defying Emperor Claudius's decree that young men couldn't get married. Claudius thought it would make them better soldiers: since they wouldn't have wives to come home to, so they would fight with less concern for their own lives. Valentinus married them in secret and was thrown into prison when the emperor found out. Legend says he restored the sight of his jailer's blind daughter, and when he went to his execution he left her a letter signed "from your Valentine." (enter Hallmark's million dollar industry...) He refused all of Claudius's attempts to sway him to worship the Roman gods and even tried to convert Claudius to Christianity. He was executed on February 14 - for defending marriage. So apparently Valentine's day is a celebration of Valentine's courage as a martyr...hmm..not exactly the flowers, hearts, chocolates, and romance we think of today!
So today isn't quite what I wanted. So I won't get to wear my pretty red outfit, or my super sexy red high heeled sandels that I haven't worn since I got pregnant (I love those shoes!) Sad...but so what? I have a wonderful husband who has taken care of me all week and told me I'm pretty (even though I look like death and clearly he is lying...but its a sweet lie). And who is an awesome father to our kids. So we will just celebrate Valentine's Day another day, once I'm well. Meanwhile, today, my husband made me a delicious breakfast of vanilla crepes. And my in-laws brought us dinner - granted, it's pizza, which I can't eat, but it was very sweet and made me feel loved. And I get to spend the day with the 4 people I love most in the world!
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