You can't please everyone

 You can't please everyone - so the saying goes. Nowhere is this more evident than in the life of a mother. The more children you have, and the older they are, the more opinions they seem to have between them, and it can drive you crazy trying to keep up with all their likes and dislikes, especially since those likes and dislikes can change daily, if not hourly. ("What do you MEAN you don't like carrots? Yesterday you refused to eat anything BUT carrots! I bought 6 bags of carrots and now...") And yet, somehow we still find ourselves trying to make everyone happy.

A perfect example of this is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. "PB&J?" you say. "But that's so simple. How could it possibly be complicated?" Watch and learn, my friends. Watch and learn.

1. The bread. James and Gabs are gluten intolerant, which mean they have to have special gluten-free bread. Daddy has a strong dislike for gluten free bread, even the homemade one, so he has to have regular bread from the secret stash. Joseph and I can go either way, depending on how we're feeling and how much gluten free bread we have left. Elora isn't supposed to have bread at all yet, although she likes to scavenge for crusts on the ground when I'm not looking.

Then, of course, is the question of toasted vs. untoasted. James wants his untoasted. Gabs and Joseph like theirs toasted. If it's gluten free, I like it better toasted, but if it's regular bread, I like it untoasted. And Daddy always wants his toasted.


2. Peanut butter. Once again the allergies come into play. James, Joseph, and Daddy are all peanut butter fanatics, so we buy peanut butter in the giant container at Sams. Gabriella isn't really supposed to have peanut butter yet, because she's only 2, and I am allergic to peanuts, so we have almond butter. Fortunately I think everyone likes creamy (unless grandparents are over, in which case the crunchy question enters the equation...) And don't get me started on thick vs. thinly spread!


3. Jelly. Or jam, depending on which you prefer. Everyone seems to have a different favorite flavor. Daddy likes grape jelly. James like "orange jelly" which can mean either apricot or orange marmalade depending on what we have in stock. Joseph likes strawberry. Gabs likes strawberry or raspberry. I like apricot or raspberry, but I'm rather particular about my brands, because I really hate the taste and idea of high fructose corn syrup, and it's hard to find a jam that doesn't contain it. (Trader Joe's has some good ones, and Bonne Maman, which you can get at the regular grocery, is also a good HFCS-free option too, although it's expensive!) And then there's always honey...

4. Presentation. Once all the options have been chosen, there is the question of how everyone wants theirs served. James freaks out if you cut his sandwich in half (which is unfortunate because then the jelly from his giant sandwich runs all down his arms...), while Gabs can't actually bite into her sandwich UNLESS it's cut in half. Joseph doesn't want a sandwich at all - he wants one slice of toast with peanut butter and the other with jelly. Daddy usually opts for just peanut butter toast, unless he's in a particular sandwich mood. And I...well, at this point I am just lucky if I get to eat at all.

And did I mentioned that Elora doesn't even EAT PB&Js yet? I'm sure that will throw a whole new level into the madness.

Forget it. From now on we are all eating steak. It's one-size-fits-all!