Even as Christians, I think we have some of these "perfect Christmas" expectations, although in a different way. We recognize that we are celebrating Christ's birth and struggle against the consumerism to capture that "true meaning" of Christmas. Which I think is wonderful, and important. But...we have certain ideas of how that should work, too. We should attend the Christmas Eve service and bask in the candlelit hush as the choir sings "Silent Night." We should gather our family and read the famous Christmas story from Luke chapter 2, and thrill at the words "Glory to God in the Highest, and on earth, peace, good will toward men." We should spend quality time together with our families, singing the lovely old carols and feeling "peace on earth" in our hearts.
I admit that I have these expectations, and I love Christmas. Traditions are very important in my family, and I want everything to be JUST like it was for me when I was a kid. Well, this year my expectations fell pretty...flat. I had great plans. My sister and brother in law were here the whole Christmas week, and we were going to go up to my parents house and spend all kinds of time when them and my family. A massive snowstorm kind of stuck us on separate sides of the mountain, so that didn't really happen. Robert was going to take some time off...but instead he ended up working double shifts and late hours on all kinds of computer "emergencies," leaving me alone with the kids. I had made homemade peppermint and almond bark for all my neighbors, and I was going to give it to them along with an ornament that had scripture references on them...but then our family caught a bad cold, and we were all sick just in time for Christmas.
Being up all night coughing meant we didn't go to church Christmas morning (dressed all in our matching plaid dresses/shirts, which I had planned. Yes, I know I'm a dork but I love matching our family's clothes!). Instead a tired Daddy attempted to placate the baby while an even more time Mama attempted to take a nap, neither one terribly successfully. We made it out to my parent's house for Christmas dinner (in our pajamas), where the kids had a great time, and I tried to put a good face on it, but honestly I really felt so very terrible that it was hard to enjoy anything, even time with my family! Even the food didn't really taste right thanks to my awful cold. And of course, it's hard to sing carols with a croaky sore throat. As much as I love Christmas and am glad we got to spend it with my family, I didn't really "feel" the joy I usually do at this season. And I must admit this week I have been kind of feeling sorry for myself, cooped up in the house being sick, with all the sick kids, while my poor sick husband still has to go to work and fix all these dumb computer emergencies, and my family is all up in Colorado (we got them sick too, just in case you were wondering!).
But then I started thinking about the REAL Christmas - that first one. I don't imagine Mary felt terribly "Christmasy" either. An unwed pregnant teenager travelling miles from home on a donkey with a man who was her husband in name only, having to give birth to her first baby in a stable - not the cleanest or most comfortable of environments - and having strangers coming to stare at her...this doesn't sounds like the "perfect Christmas" I would imagine! I bet there were lots of moments when she didn't "feel" so good about it and maybe even said "why me, Lord?" in her heart. But she was able to look past the circumstances to what really mattered - that God's own Son was born and salvation was come.
And those things are still true regardless of how perfect - or imperfect - my Christmas was this year! When I think about all I have - and material possessions doesn't even enter the picture, although I have more of those than I ever could need - it makes me so grateful and humble as I realize how little I deserve it.
"Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel."
Thank you for sharing your heart, once again. I have felt so blah this year as all of our traditions went down the drain as well. It sounds like our holidays were spent very similarly - sick families, too much snow, struggling to be "joyful". It always makes me feel so much better not only knowing I'm not alone in my "feelings" sometimes, but hearing how you overcome your struggles just encourages me to do the same. I wish I lived on your side of the mountain as I'd come and fix you hot tea, read to your children while you napped, and tried to give a little back to you as you've given so much to me this past year through your blog. Thank you for being a blessing to us!!
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